Tag: spiritual care

The Spirit of Things

For the last eighteen months, I’ve been on the organising committee for the 2017 Spiritual Care Australia conference, alongside three other incredible spiritual carers, Tanya, David and Pauline.

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Earlier in the month, the three day spiritual bonanza/lovefest was held on the Gold Coast where it was a resounding success (no, I’m not being biased – we kicked ass and totally killed it). We had extraordinary keynote speakers like Molly Carlile AKA the Deathtalker AKA current girl crush. I managed to score her autograph and a hug, which was like hugging an energetically super-charged sparrow.

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Good golly, Miss Molly!

I delivered a seminar about the duality of being a lifelong patient, and how that informs my work as a spiritual carer. Thanks Matt Glover for writing such lovely things about me! We’re going to miss you terribly as our EO, but our incoming EO Nalissa is also seriously fabulous.

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Thanks Matty G!

We were also lucky enough to have dementia advocate Christine Bryden speak. Her address was incredibly affecting, and she received a standing ovation. ABC broadcaster Rachael Kohn spoke about Spirituality in the 21st Century, and on the first afternoon, we had organised a death cafe to be facilitated by Dr. Ralph McConaghy who heads up the palliative care service at the Wesley Hospital in Brisbane (I think I’m just a little bit in love with him).

Afterwards, I was invited to be a part of a three person panel which saw some strong opinions, and me say the word ‘hell’ in front of 200 odd chaplains, pastoral carers and priests. I may have also talked about the importance of sex when a person is dying (I swear I didn’t start it). After the panel, I was approached by the etheral Rachael Kohn, who is this curly haired Canadian goddess, and she asked to interview me for her Radio National program ‘The Spirit of Things’. Of course I said yes, and the following morning, we sat in her hotel room and talked. Here’s the interview, and a few photos from the conference. It was exciting, exhausting, hilarious, illuminating and everything in between. I met some incredible people, and connected with some old friends.

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Queenslandahhhhhh!!!!
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Getting through conference was mind bending. My hardcore half a nip of whiskey on the first night had me all like #CHAPLAINSGONEWILD
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Being the teetotaller I am, I was DJ for the party post-dinner. I may not drink, but I was DRUNK ON POWER.

The day after conference, I drove back to Brisbane where I spoke at International Nurses Day at the P.A. I spoke about how the role of nursing has changed in my lifetime, and how nurses have impacted my life (where do I even start with that?). I threw in some scandalous interesting stories from when I was growing up, managed to lose four pages of my notes, but did well enough to remember most of what I wanted to say. After I spoke, I was one of two judges for the nurses talent quest, and I have to say HOLY SHIT – do we have some gifted nurses at the P.A (I’m not even being biased). Singers, Johnny Cash tribute bands, fiddle players, and the rest.

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I had initially titled my talk ‘HOW NURSES ARE FUCKING RAD’ but was politely asked to drop the profanity 🙂
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Nurse holding my hand between recovery and heading back to theatre when I had my transplant #somuchlove

I promptly went home, and fell into a coma.

Tool of my trade #1 – compassionate listening

I wrote this last year sitting in Adelaide airport just after I’d attended the Spiritual Care Australia conference. The next conference is in Tasmania and I’m sad that I’m missing it, but I have a full calendar to tend to. This post concerns the value of compassionate listening and how we can serve the dying – and the living – better by really being able to hear what people are saying.

After three days of extending my practice as a spiritual carer at the Spiritual Care Australia conference in Adelaide, my vocation really is all about LISTENING. Not listening in a one-dimensional or perfunctory way, but really listening. I like to call it active or compassionate listening.

Tenzin Chodron from Karuna Hospice gave a rousing speech yesterday. The energy in the room was palpable after she lead us through a gentle meditation, and continued to enthral delegates when she spoke about her Buddhist model of spiritual care and about some of her intimate experiences with the dying. I’ve been  lucky enough to have studied under Chodron through Karuna as part of my ‘Spiritual Care with the Dying’ training, and compassionate listening is a skill I honed during my training. During both courses, the group did a listening exercise. We were partnered off where we had to actively listen for ten minutes to our partner without saying a word. No interruptions, no ‘me too’. We then swapped places so that the other person could speak.

It’s amazing how much you can really hear when you’re fully engaged with another person. Once the exercise was over, we discussed the listening activity and how it facilitated true listening, because when we think we’re listening to the person in front of us, are we ever fully engaged with that person and what they are saying? I would have to say that no, we’re not. But we can be.

From then on, whenever I have had to speak with someone as a fully engaged listener, I do a small meditation before I literally step or place myself into the conversation. This is also how I prepare when I’m about to speak with people who are sick or dying, which translates to me that there needs to be a quality of presence.

Clear the mind, set your intention and be almost hyper-attuned. I truly believe that by not listening properly we are failing the sick and dying.

It never ceases to surprise me what comes up for people who are dying. But as with speaking, there needs to be a greater respect for silence. Ofttimes, that is all the person can do until they know what they do want to speak about, or if they want to speak at all.

There are many ways in which we fail the dying. While palliative care nurses, spiritual carers, doctors and other practitioners recognise that suffering affects a person’s spirit, it is common for doctors who are not specialised in palliative care to treat people as just ‘a body in a bed.’ I’ve experienced this first hand, particular when I transitioned to an adult hospital. Everyone – patient or not – is more than the sum of their parts.

In Canberra, there is a much more holistic approach in palliative care medicine. Existential and spiritual suffering often manifests as physical pain, and I have heard stories that once this pain has been addressed, the need for morphine and other pain relief is lessened – particularly at night. This resonates with me because I’ve been to that place and I know that night time is both figuratively and literally the darkest of times where every layer of pain and suffering surfaces and is amplified tenfold. I’d be interested to know if you have had any ‘dark nights of the soul’.

As a spiritual carer, this interests me greatly. What’s more, it offers irrefutable proof that in order to fully understand other peoples pain and suffering, we must first recognise what kind of pain a person is in – emotionally, existentially, physically and spiritually. While pain relieving drugs are almost always necessary in palliative care, there’s evidence to suggest that the use of morphine and its ilk can mask spiritual pain. I have heard stories of many people who are dying who have refused pain relief so they could just BE. They wanted to experience dying in its infinite form and to be present. That takes momentous courage which the dying seem to have in spades.

The day before I flew to Adelaide for the conference, I was lucky enough to do a Death Midwifery workshop with Dr. Michael Barbato. During the workshop, Michael discussed these issues as well as quality of care, the evolution of spiritual care, and midwifeing the self, which is something I will address as another tool of my trade in another post. One of the last things Michael shared with us was a mantra for the living and the dying which I will leave you with as I sit at my desk on this early evening.

I forgive you.

I forgive me.

Bless you.

Thank you.

I love you.