The day I met my donor

I never thought I'd do it. It's been seventeen years, after all. And even if I did do it, I never believed it would be this hard. Mum and I had talked for years about going into Births, Deaths and Marriages to see if we could find her, but today on my own, I went into a quiet room … Continue reading The day I met my donor

My night without armour

May-August 1998 I was in the dying room. You know the one. It's quiet. People slip in and out as though they were never there. Festering in a bed for three months, I had grown tired. My arms were the shape of soft baguettes, peppered with freckles like sesame seeds. Lips, a permanent shade of blue. Colourless … Continue reading My night without armour

The good, the bad and whatever else happens

Histrionics aside, my body is losing against this infection. I refuse to say 'losing the fight' because I have an uncomfortable relationship with the militarisation of illness and death. But no matter what I put into my body, 'it is winning',  as my doctor said this morning. He also wanted to re-admit me back into hospital, … Continue reading The good, the bad and whatever else happens

Ineka

I have posted this before, but because it's 26 years today since my beautiful friend Ineka died, I thought I'd do a re-post. She deserves it. I was 10 when Ineka died and my life changed forever. There's so much to write about Ineka, but here's just one story. * I have always been captivated … Continue reading Ineka

9 1/2 weeks, Princess Diana and trampoline competitions

I've always dreamed wildly; the dreams being intensely vivid ever since I can remember. I've even dreamed about people who have 'visited' me. When I was six years old, my friend Rachel floated through my window and sat on my bed. I knew she had been very sick, and possibly knew she was dying. Rachel … Continue reading 9 1/2 weeks, Princess Diana and trampoline competitions

Certainty

After listening to my friend Darren's speech at the Cystic Fibrosis Ball last night, and hearing him regale how his Mum managed to look after two boys, work, cook and do everything that a wonderful Mum does, I had to post this about my own Mum, Jewel. Yes - named after the gem. * Certainty … Continue reading Certainty