A love letter to my lungs on this, your eighteenth birthday

Tonight as the waning moon floats between shelves of cloud - the stars liquid and alive - I will whisper, 'I am still here.' A bittersweet offering, but one I cast into the world as a call to arms. With each passing year, I harvest guilt, siphoning off grief as I pick the fruit and plant more seeds for … Continue reading A love letter to my lungs on this, your eighteenth birthday

Why I’m NOT sorry

Today, my friend - the other Carly, Carly Findlay - wrote a shut up amazing piece about apologising and how she no longer wants to apologise for what is beyond her control. Shortly after reading Carly's piece, I saw the photo Annie Leibovitz took of Amy Schumer in all of her near-naked and non-apologetic glory. I … Continue reading Why I’m NOT sorry

(dis)connection

Yesterday was all about disconnection. After having another high-ish white cell count and another blood result that can be indicative of infection, rejection (it's not rejection) or inflammation, my IV antibiotics were ceased because I've pretty much had all my body can take. Because it's been two weeks, my CV line also had to be pulled. After … Continue reading (dis)connection

Autopsy of a marriage

Thrumming away from each other like broken mountains, by your second year, you had been excommunicated. Wrought by the passage of God, your clipped speech and ruddy cheeks made it hurt to be alive.   Her dowry – platelets swimming under skin and a fertile womb. Yours – a cellar of wine and an insistent mother whose teat you … Continue reading Autopsy of a marriage

Being woken at the gates of heaven

Candy in a bag - recollections of a need when my mind was an unswept room, my body a husk, full of holes so thick I thought I would leak. Needles in my bedside drawer, ampoules ready to be snapped off at the yellow line - that crisp and thrilling pop. No greater satisfaction, nor ever surpassed. … Continue reading Being woken at the gates of heaven

Ineka

I have posted this before, but because it's 26 years today since my beautiful friend Ineka died, I thought I'd do a re-post. She deserves it. I was 10 when Ineka died and my life changed forever. There's so much to write about Ineka, but here's just one story. * I have always been captivated … Continue reading Ineka

Monday blues

After not feeling too well throughout the week, I had a magical day on Friday. It was my bestie Bec's birthday, where her husband whipped up some amazing coffee and birthday morning tea treats for us very lucky ladies. There were happy children, friends who I hadn't seen in a long time (I even met … Continue reading Monday blues

Trapped, or The first and last time I’ll ever write about this

There are far more certainties in the world than death and taxes. There is bad coffee, love, storms in the summer, things you cannot have, and then there's choosing the wrong people for ourselves. In 2008 - not long after I had fought so furiously for my life and survived an eight-hour surgery where I … Continue reading Trapped, or The first and last time I’ll ever write about this

Memoir sneak peek

Here is a glimpse into my memoir I've been working furiously on, amongst the pain of a femoral hernia (go forth and google). I've not long to go before I wind up my story, so here's a little insight into what I've been working on. Thank you for reading - just keep in mind that … Continue reading Memoir sneak peek