The birth of my fourth decade

I've been thinking about my thirties. About how they started, and how they're about to end. Ten years ago at my thirtieth birthday party, I was bloated from massive doses of steroids I'd had to have earlier in the year due to a serious respiratory virus. I was puffy faced and swollen, and going into my third … Continue reading The birth of my fourth decade

A love letter to my lungs on this, your eighteenth birthday

Tonight as the waning moon floats between shelves of cloud - the stars liquid and alive - I will whisper, 'I am still here.' A bittersweet offering, but one I cast into the world as a call to arms. With each passing year, I harvest guilt, siphoning off grief as I pick the fruit and plant more seeds for … Continue reading A love letter to my lungs on this, your eighteenth birthday

The places I go …

Wooloweyah 28.6.16 It is akin to a dream, this dense clump of trees unfolding before me, reaching sharply into the sky. As I walk through the forest under canopies of palms and eucalypts and a discord of screaming birds, my feet arrive at a bog. I'm at the lip of a lake I cannot reach for the … Continue reading The places I go …

When you get punched in the face

A couple of years after my transplant, I was assaulted. Had the shit beaten out of me. What made it even more shameful, was that I was beaten up by a girl. Of course this rationale has evolved with the gradual unfurling of my life and hard won wisdom, so I know that it doesn't matter who … Continue reading When you get punched in the face

My new normal

I'm just about jumping out of my skin. I had my first good night's sleep in eleven days, so I'm feeling rested. I've been waking up around 4-5am, which is not the norm for me. I've never been a morning person, though when I first moved into my beloved flat I became one of those morning … Continue reading My new normal

The power of choice

I made a big decision yesterday. I decided that I no longer need my opiate antagonist therapy. I had planned to stop on my birthday, which just happens to fall on New Year's Eve, but I've been feeling so happy and settled that I knew I could do it. And so I did. The 'high' from … Continue reading The power of choice

Why I’m NOT sorry

Today, my friend - the other Carly, Carly Findlay - wrote a shut up amazing piece about apologising and how she no longer wants to apologise for what is beyond her control. Shortly after reading Carly's piece, I saw the photo Annie Leibovitz took of Amy Schumer in all of her near-naked and non-apologetic glory. I … Continue reading Why I’m NOT sorry

My summer of love

Earlier in the week, someone asked me what I've been up to. 'Reading, writing, stuff ...' But mainly reading and writing, hanging out with my sister and my nephews, working, planning, walking and dreaming. It's true - I'm an abject failure of a social butterfly, although I did actually go OUT Friday night to the opening … Continue reading My summer of love

Trying to breathe when you are drowning

Ever had a newborn baby put into your arms and breathed them in? Like really breathed them in as though it were your last breath? I've been thinking of experiences that trump being high, and this is the most powerful that comes to mind. I have four nephews and was lucky enough to be present (and I … Continue reading Trying to breathe when you are drowning

I am an addict

I posted a rant on my chasing away salt water page earlier today, much of which I've included in this piece. It involves the Cystic Fibrosis community - my community, if you will - and my burning question was this: when will people start taking responsibility for their lives? Why are there GoFundMe pages being created to ask for … Continue reading I am an addict