Post-script on ‘The day I met my donor’

A little follow up from yesterday. I’ve had quite a few transplant recipients contact me about how they are now going search for their donor and I want to give them some words of wisdom from my perspective. Tracking down your donor is greatly frowned upon due to privacy laws in Australia. These laws are in place for very good reason in order to protect families who have given the ultimate altruistic gift. The ultimate altruistic and anonymous gift. It took me seventeen years to attempt to find my donor even though I’ve always been privy to very specific information that 99% of recipients DO NOT have.

Please heed the following – this is a door that can so easily be opened, but it’s one that cannot be closed. Again – I was privy to very specific information about my donor and their family, so please consider your donor, their family and their grief as well as your own mental well being before you pursue the unknown. Often people end up finding the wrong person. Sad, but true.

Many people assume that it’s ‘easy’; that they’d love to find out who the person is/was who gave them a second chance at life, but I can tell you it is no such thing and I’m only on day fucking two. It is NOT easy. While I feel that I’ve found a piece of myself, I also feel that yesterday has painted my transplant journey in a far darker hue than I could ever have imagined, and it’s one of immense sadness that will now weigh on me for the rest of my life.

Just remember that I’m at the very beginning of this new journey and it’s one that may still go belly up. Perhaps I’ve been reckless – or perhaps I’ve been reckless in sharing my discovery. Sometimes a door stays closed for good reason.

11 thoughts on “Post-script on ‘The day I met my donor’

  1. Dearest Carly, how kind of you to share this. I’m not speaking for you but for myself and others that have confided. We often rush toward what we believe we want and find that it is not what we had thought it would be. You many have spared some of your wiser readers. It must be such a delicate balance… There will always be things we could not anticipate. XOXO

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    1. I thought that there may be a couple of people interested, but I felt compelled to write this as a warning, Lea. I hope people think really hard about the long term effects of finding out such confronting information – that’s why it took so long for me to be secure in my decision. There is so much we do not know, and for good reason XO

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      1. Had I been able to donate when my daughter died, it would have helped me immeasurably. Unfortunately, my ex-husband vetoed it.Such a waste. XO

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      2. It would have meant so much to me and hopefully to anyone receiving what she had to offer. Carly, he was not able to support anyone, including himself. Today I am on my own and in decent enough company. Much love XO

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      3. The power of intentionality is a beautiful thing – always remember that, Lea ❤️ I know it doesn’t make it any easier, but the universe knows when you’ve done a good thing. I’m so glad you’re out of that situation – you are worth so much more and deserve the world XO

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      4. I believe that for the families of the donor, it is a way of making sense of a loss that makes no sense otherwise. To know that which we treasured abides in someone like you is another treasure. Love XOXO

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