lust: a follow up meditation

It is as though I have two heartbeats. This is how you make me feel. You give me fucking tachycardia, and then in a breath, my heart softens. I want you to lay with me; I want you to read to me. I want to read to you. Soak up Johnny Cash’s entire catalogue with you in me so I can taste your sin.

I care not for coffee, phone calls, dirty dishes, washing, paperwork. It all seems so unnecessary and futile, so I forget and clutch your waist with my thighs, squeezing the breath out of you. It’s like I want to make you hurt, but for reasons only I know. Then you catch your breath and surrender heavily into my neck.

Stars hail down on us like confetti and I want to take you across the street to the river; get you alone, cup your face in my hands. Simple things. It is all simple.

You make me want to strike piano keys and suck on cherries and peel pears and beat my boots into the ground until my foot bones splinter and bleed.

And all of this terrifies me.

Like water snatching at ropes, you pull me in like a tide, then let me go. Spank my rosy arse in the night-time. Hell, even in the daytime; such sweet agony. You’re someone I don’t want to leave behind.

And all of this terrifies me.

It’s like:

shovelling wet sand up a mountain of ash

exploding fruit

writing that killer line

hitting a money note

swallowing sour milk

a stitch in my belly

a sliced finger

a fresh burn

a lime tree bursting with fruit

sun splintering through clouds

rain on dry land.

So many things.

And all of this terrifies me.

I watch you and your mouth and see it’s a little lopsided. I could unfurl that crooked grin with an eager tongue.

In the afternoon, we wrestle; bodies laconic with fatigue and marks from hard fingers. I pin your arms and you to wrangle my body to the other side of the bed and I’m yours – at your mercy and you know it; my sex wet all because of a lopsided grin.

I can’t tear my eyes, hands, mouth off you.

And all of this terrifies me.

3 thoughts on “lust: a follow up meditation

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