Being cancer free!! And being able to spend a day with my beautiful Mum who ferried me around town from lung transplant clinic to oncologist and back home again – but not before we lingered over delectable foodstuffs.
We’ve been on tenterhooks for a couple of weeks about a rather brutish pain in my arm, which I first noticed in February when I was on Vipassana. I mentioned it to my chief consultant, but there were more pressing issues at hand upon my return, such as the possibility of heart problems which I’m happy to report aren’t problems, and that the mad palpitations I was having were due to a low magnesium level.
After addressing it at clinic again, my consultant was straight onto it and booked me in for a bone scan on Monday. ‘Great’, I thought – ‘we’re going to get this sorted’, except that it wasn’t great because the form looked like this …
Because I’m a bit of a cancer
collector magnet, the possibility of the pain being bone cancer had been firing around my head for weeks. The pain is deep in the bone and it aches and throbs. At night, I struggle to reach into sleep because I just can’t get comfortable. On Sunday, I found myself in racking pain so my parents rushed me to the hospital in search of answers and pain relief. The answers would have to wait until I’d had the bone scan the next day, but I was given some pretty full on pain meds. Pain meds I hesitate to use simply because the side effects often outweigh their pain relieving qualities. So, armed with prescriptions for opiates, orders for more fucking rest and a heat pack that an angel of a nurse gave me in emergency, my folks* drove me back to my place where – to my delight – fireworks had been arranged for my arrival. How serendipitous!
After a slightly more comfortable night ie. not groaning in pain like a broken-legged dog, I was so drugged up on Monday that the entire day is a blur. I remember going to nuclear medicine and having some radioactive agent injected into me, and then having the scan. I also remember smiling because the machine was going to take my picture 🙂
The pain has been at its consistent worst, but today heralded the best news any of us could have hoped or asked for: my bone scan was clear. There is no cancer; just beautiful stretches of white lines on black film. For my family and my friends (and my supporters – thank you!), this was the news we’d been so desperate to hear. I’d dodged another bullet, which called for celebration before I had another appointment with my oncologist (good news there, too), and so Mum and I headed straight to lunch and asked a lovely young girl to capture our moment of joy and relief.
And then we did the simplest of things – we literally broke bread and tried to lock ourselves in the cheese room. Simple abundance. Tonight though, as I sit here looking across the landscape of the city at the new lights peppering the skyline, I think about the people who didn’t get great news today, and sit in a place of loving kindness and compassion with them and their loved ones ♥
*where do I even begin to explain how amazing my folks are? I would have to write forever … ♥