My very wise mother has always lived by the dictum that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, which reconfirms for me the importance of impermanence. One of my favourite quotes by Heraclitus the Obscure ‘you cannot step twice into the same river; for other waters are continually flowing in’ rings so true, but what is life without flux? I like to be unnerved – we should all make the effort to unnerve ourselves.
But back to ending friendships. I’ve only ever had to end five friendships in my life and they’ve all been women. Women old enough to know better who are toxic with alcoholism, selfishness, self-pity, jealousy and one who was just stark fucking raving mad.
I’m not perfect by any means and I embrace my flaws – it’s called being human. I accepted a long time ago that some people just aren’t going to like me, and that’s ok. They can go and mind fuck someone else – I have friends who deserve my love, time, care and devotion. I will always help people who want to help themselves, but it’s an impossible task to rescue everyone who comes to you with their problems. By no means is this selfish – it’s self-preservation and unfortunately, people often get the two confused.
I’ve always believed that you shouldn’t have to work hard at friendships – friendship should be reasonably effortless, full of love, joy and positivity, as well as being a sounding board and
boobs a shoulder to snuggle into when the chips are down. It should be a soft place to land. Also, if a friend can’t share in your joy over something positive that’s happening in your life, cue the death knell.
The two friendships I’ve recently ended (just about a year apart) are mutual friends who have fed off each other’s paranoia and fucked up-ness. I don’t feel I’ve ‘lost’ anything or anyone. Instead, I’ve made room in my life for more beautiful people. It’s also lent itself to some new haiku, dedicated to a once dear friend who’s
been trying to play me played me like the duelling banjos in ‘Deliverance’ …
It was quite lovely
but now it’s over because
you called me a liar.
And another …
Lasso your paranoia –
it has cost you much and you
will keep bleeding.